But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
