Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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