I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
