Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
