Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
