Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
