Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
