guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
