How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
smell my finger.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's always time for handjobs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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