Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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