Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
