Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
