it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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