Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
