Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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