Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
