Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
