i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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