I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
