so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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