Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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