my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
