just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've blown a few things in my day
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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