I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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