Are we in a gay sports bar?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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