i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
