Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
