the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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