That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
