who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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