Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
