i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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