Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
