Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
not ubering you a puppy
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
