remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
