The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
