Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
