He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
