shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
