did you get engaged???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
