I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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