I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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