Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
