Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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