i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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