I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
