So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
