At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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