You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
