Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
